Andy Wood

The sequel to 2003’s “Curse of the Black Pearl,” which grossed more than $300 million at the box office, is high-flying fun. Depp’s return as the cavalier and charismatic Captain Jack Sparrow gives ye goosebumps. Pretty boy Orlando Bloom does the grunt work as aspiring suitor Will Turner and Keira Knightley’s Elizabeth shows enough cleavage to well.. you know.

The plot of “Curse of the Black Pearl” exists purely as a means of getting from one action sequence to another. (or it would seem) As we open, two of our heroes – Elizabeth and William – have their nuptials interrupted by a couple of English imperial guards who shackles them up and tossed them in the hole for helping out good ole Sparrow the first time around.

Every imaginable pirate fantasy is joyously bundled into a bewitching treasure chest in this action-adventure sequel. A swashbuckling pirate, swordplay on rooftops, a mythical sea monster, a fish-faced villain, secret buried treasure, a mystic, a blood debt, a gallant hero, feisty heroine and much more. If anything, there is too much more, including the film’s running time, which is long at 150 minutes. But it is unlikely there will be many complaints. It is easy to be swept away into Gore Verbinski’s imagination-ripe world. Its larger-than-life characters are coloured by comic relief and awesome special effects are used to whet the appetite of our fantasies.

Johnny Depp’s uber-theatrical pirate with rock-star make up, swagger and mischievous glint in his eye is the masthead of this big budget production that rides its massive wave with glee. I loved the character the first time around and Depp revels in the role, making the most of every opportunity to twitch, roll his eyes and flash those shiny gold teeth. His unique characterisation sets the tone of the film even better than the original; it’s as though the other characters (and actors) have been infected by his energy.

Nighy’s heartless villain Davy Jones who rules the sea behind a grotesque face swallowed by octopus tentacles is a fantastical creation. Credit goes not only to Nighy for a haunting performance, but to computer wizards Industrial Light and Magic who created him. Orlando Bloom ensures his dashing hero is a heartthrob not a wimp and Keira Knightley brings zest and glamour to his bride to be. Beyond the characters, there is a satisfying moral theme, when Captain Jack Sparrow shows that ultimately he is a good man.

I enjoyed this second version a tad more, perhaps because about half way through I surrendered to its noisy, unintelligible plot and its madcap scenarios. This is a film that you enjoy visually, uncluttered by the plot; it’s about the action, the wonderfully weird creatures and humanoid figures that emerge from the shadows and the excitement of the chase. Any chase. Anywhere. In fact, everywhere.

As to the numerous complaints about the movie length, Two things – 1.) At the cost of movies now adays, I feel for my $9.75 I should be able to place my soda and popcorn order from my seat and have it delivered. 2.) To compare the length of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest to another summber block buster Superman’s Return. All I can say is that I felt Superman was to long and wanted more Pirates.

This is the type of movie you want to watch so that you can see other movies made fun of.

“Spoof parodies” have branched off from some of the first ones I remember, which included the 1970’s movie “Airplane”. Although airplane was more of a spoof on airline travel and human nature’s dumb side, it was followed by the likes of Police Academy and Naked Gun series, Spy Hard, And not to mention the recently successful runs of “not another teen movie” and “scary movie” which at this point I couldn’t tell you if they are in a series together or not.

“Date Movie” starts out basically with Alyson Hannigan playing the role of Julia Jones, an overweight waitress who contacts a guy (spoof HITCH) to help her find true love. They take her to a place (spoof MONSTER GARAGE) to be turned into a competitive contestant for a show (The BACHELOR) that could finally set her up with the man of her dreams.

By this time in the movie things are moving way to slow. The spoofs, become so back-to-back to back that the story itself doesn’t really hold. I know I know, its supposed to be a parody, but when the parody rolls over you like a truck on fire over and over, it gets old. Hannigan is a great actress in certain roles but really can’t hold her own in this. I don’t think its her fault, its the script and directing. The show almost seems more like a documentary on spoofs than a movie. I will say however, it picked up a little after Julie was out of her fat suit, just seeing her face gave us some familiarity in a landscape clogged with below average storylines.

Throughout the movie, Julie runs into obstacles that hinder her marriage to the bachelor (yeah, she won the contest, after of course, the bachelor got rid of the other contestants by blowing them away with a shotgun). Goodness, what movie, TV series, or actor and actress was not covered in our box of spoofs? Just off the top I saw this thing cover Kill Bill, Dodge ball, Hitch, Monster garage, Jennifer Lopez, Wedding crashers, king Kong, Little house on the prairie, Meet the parents, Meet the Fokkers, The wedding planner, Michael Jackson, what women want, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Britney Spears.